I haven’t wanted to “come out” with what I’m about to tell you. For lots of reasons.
Talking about it puts my attention on it and encourages the universe to give me more of the same.
Putting it in print makes it more “true” for me.
But the big bottom line of it all is . . .
. . . I’m embarrassed!
I don’t want to be seen as frail, delicate, needy, sickly. I want you to see me (and to see myself) as strong, healthy, having it all together.
But here’s why I know it’s time to fess up, to tell you the whole truth. I intend to heal! This is the challenge of my life and I accept the challenge.
And, for those of you with similar issues, I hope that my sharing the path I take to healing will help you heal too.
Here are my shameful secrets.
There. I’ve said it. Worst part’s over. Now let me tell you what I mean.
It was shocking to me when, around 11 years ago, a counsellor casually mentioned to me that I had “chronic anxiety.”
“NO WAY!” I screamed inside, while a squirt of anxiety chemicals coursed through my body.
I’d always seen myself as courageous, gutsy, adventurous (even while another part of me knew the counsellor was right).
Hadn’t I gone alone, to live and work in France, Venezuela, 2 different Eskimo villages in Alaska?
Hadn’t I taken my students spelunking, star-gazing overnights, ice-fishing, cross-country skiing, beach camping trips?
Hadn’t I slept in a snow cave I dug myself, pulled myself out of a glacial cravasse, caught halibut, kayaked past glaciers?
Hadn’t I backpacked alone in Alaska, Washington, Arizona?
Hadn’t I just 2 years ago sold my home, my truck and all my stuff and left the US for adventures in the Philippines, Thailand and upstate New York?
So, OK, there’s obviously an adventure-seeking, change-loving, thrill-seeking part at the core of me.
But that part of me lives right next to the part of me who’s anxious and insecure.
Strange but true.
Inside me lives the bizarre combination of a need for adventure with a propensity for anxiety.
And, here’s the painful truth. I’ve live much of my life in a state of fight or flight, which is basically what chronic anxiety is.
I have what is often called the Highly Sensitive Constitution. That means I’m strongly affected by things others don’t even notice. I’m like that canary in the mine.
I recently moved into an apartment in which the kitchen cabinets had been resurfaced one year prior. Even though the owner of the apartments couldn’t even smell them, they made me sick and I had to move to another apartment.
I carefully avoid being near anyone wearing perfume (loved that about Thailand – no one wore perfume – but they loved Moth Balls! Hated that about Latin America – everyone wears perfume), scented anything, smoke and cleaning supplies.
Emotions feel like tidal waves of feeling inside my body.
I’m sensitive to air, noise and light.
So yea, I’m sensitive. Not nearly as sensitive as some, but still sensitive. And mostly, I don’t think about it.
The main problem with with being so sensitive is the way my body has reacted to the anxiety and other stressers.
After living in the fight or flight state for nearly six decades, it’s taken a toll on my body. Add in menopause and I’m facing a physical crisis. That leads me to the next part of my confession.
I started feeling the exhaustion around 15 years ago – at first just on weekends when I’d allow myself to relax.
That’s also about the time I noticed my mind/body/emotions would get stuck in the fight or flight state for days or weeks at a time when I started a new job or fell in love or when something major happened in my life, like my mom’s final illness and death.
I could barely sleep, and would awaken, mind racing, for hours during the night. My mind/body/emotions would get stuck in that jittery/scared feeling and boy, would the whole cycle wear me out.
Most of my adult life, I’ve been healthy and fit. Swimming, bicycling, jogging, weight-lifting, hiking, yoga. I love to exercise and be outdoors.
But about a decade ago, chronic fatigue hit me hard.
I’ve gone back and forth during those ten years, with seasons of exercise and fitness, bookended by long months of exhaustion, made even worse by any form of exercise beyond easy walking.
Early on, I tried to heal my body with holistic approaches like herbs, homeopathy and diet (Zone, Paleo, Weston Price). They helped a little, but weren’t a total cure.
I kept searching.
I realized my fatigue wasn’t just physical when I went on several solo camping trips – and felt GREAT. I could hike all day . . . even climb mountains. You see, when my anxiety level dropped way down, my vitality returned.
That’s how I latched onto EFT. I knew my problems were mind AND body, and that’s why I wasn’t getting better buy working with physical cures only.
And, although the EFT has helped me tremendously, menopause has added a degree of complexity to the whole mix that demands I respond more resourcefully than ever before. Which brings us to the fourth element in my confession:
Well, aren’t we all?
What I mean here is that I’m still holding onto some level of the belief that I’m defective, I’m unlovable, I’m unworthy. These beliefs bring up the painful emotion of shame.
EFT has helped me eradicate this one A LOT. But I still notice the remnants now and then in my thoughts and feelings.
So What Am I Doing About All This?
I’m always working with the best wisdom I have at the time. And now, I’ll talk more about two of my favorite healing sources (beyond tapping).
Working with my Angels has brought me a sense of never being alone, but always being surrounded by love and guidance.
It has also brought ideas, solutions, people, opportunities and opened doors faster than any time I ever remember in my life.
My Angels Coach is Tami Gulland, and I adore her. I’ve been learning how to call on and communicate with my Angels since I was part of the awesome Angels Inner Circle course with Tami and I feel my connection growing continually stronger.
My other primary method of bridging the Mind Body gap is with innovative processes to listen to and communicate with my Body, my Emotions and my Soul.
My teacher in the Mind Body work is Lorraine Faehndrich, a Mind Body coach I’ve been working with since September of 2012. I believe my angels brought her to me!
Lorraine is amazing.
What she teaches and guides me to do is totally different than any inner work I’ve ever done before. Lorraine has taught me that there’s wisdom in my emotions, in my physical symptoms . . . and that I can ask and get answers from my Emotions and my Body and my Soul.
I’m learning to talk to parts of me that have wisdom far beyond what my mind has to say. I’ve found this healing on all levels.
Whereas I used to see painful emotions as bothersome emotional states I wanted to “tap away,” I now see them as messengers of wisdom. This has changed my tapping . . . and my life.
Together with my new connection with my Angels, I feel like I’ve opened the lid to a treasure chest of wisdom I had with me all the time, and didn’t know it.
My Hope and Intention
Yes, I’m a little embarrassed to admit all this stuff, but you know me, I do love a good adventure – and this is one!
I’d love to hear from you if you’re facing any of the same challenges as me. It would be nice to know I’m not alone.
And . . . here’s my belief, that I hope will help and inspire you too.
We were born to be healthy, happy and sharing our unique gifts to the world. Abundance is our birthright.
And consider this, from Grant Cardone, author of the 10X Rule, “Success is your ethical obligation.”
I intend to heal from everything I’ve described here. It’s a journey that’s mine to take. (I do love a good project!)
I’d love to hear from you about your personal journey of healing – in the comments below or via email.
p.s. This morning I woke up feeling angry and scared. So I did a process I learned from Lorraine.
I got relaxed and asked my anger and my fear for wisdom.
My fear told me to take notes on the advice I’m getting from my body, emotions and soul. I did.
My anger gave me advice about asking for what I need from my business partners. I wrote down 7 specific things to do!
My soul told me to keep envisioning what I want for my health, my life.
Then I asked my angels if they had any specific advice. They told me to take a short nap every day. (Love it!)
After that, I did a quick tapping session on the things I was angry and afraid about. I used the Growing Up Method I teach in Make EFT Work Every Time.
In about 5 minutes of tapping, I felt empowered, confident and clear about my next steps.
If you’re interested in learning how to do all that – a process that took less than 20 minutes total, I hope you’ll attend the free webinar Lorraine and I are giving: Energy, Health, Peace, Success: Bridging the Mind-Body Gap