Can EFT Technique Help My Son Study?

IMG 0652 225x300 Can EFT Technique Help My Son Study? tapping with kids I got this request from a reader about EFT technique to help her son study. Nalina writes,

“Hi i want to do EFT for my son who doesn’t study at all. please help me.”

This is an important request and one I wanted to devote a whole article to discussing.

I have so much respect for you parents.  The job of raising a child feels absolutely daunting to me.  I doubt I’d be able to remain objective if I  were in Nalini’s situation.  But I’ll do my best to shed some light on this for Nalini, and any other parents reading this.

The implications of the question are…

1.  EFT done by one person works to change other people (there’s actually a name for that – surrogate tapping).

2.  The son wants to study.

3.  The son needs to study

4. Not studying is causing or will cause big problems for the son.

5.  The mother needs the son to study for the mother to be ok.

I’ll Be Happy if My Son Studies

It is common to want to change others to help us feel better.

It is common for us to believe that we would be happy if only someone else would act differently.

With parenthood it is even more complicated.  We are given the implicit charge to help our children learn to be responsible and to have resources and skills so they’ll have the freedom to choose the life they want as adults.

Without studying, without doing well in school, our children’s choices may be limited.

So I can understand any parent’s reluctance to let go of concern over their child’s academic success.

Change Yourself First

At the same time, I assert that changing one’s self – our beliefs, thoughts and emotions – is the best course of action and the best way to increase the possibility that the other person will make their own changes.

When you change the dynamics of the relationship, the other is free to act and respond differently.

In Nalini’s case, changing how she feels and reacts to her son, may enable him to decide – for himself – that he actually wants to study.

We can dig in our heels and refuse to do something we’d otherwise like to do, when we’re being  pressured to do  it.

That brings me to some questions for Nalini – and for the other parents reading this.

Does your child/son want to study?

Does he want to do well in school?

Is your son bothered by his resistance to studying?

If the answers to those questions are YES, then EFT can definitely help him.

Wanting to do something, but feeling resistance – in the form of procrastination, dread, fear – is a “tappable issue.”

And if the answer to those questions is “no,” then you have a different problem altogether.  If all parts of you are in alignment on not studying – every part of you does not want to study – the chances of EFT changing that are slim.

What that means is that for EFT to help someone begin studying, the person must want to study, at least a little.

EFT for Resistance

You can use EFT tapping to great effect when you partly want to do something, and feel resistant to doing it.

Personally, I use EFT all the time for my resistance.  Usually, it’s a very quick fix.

The underlying cause of most (all?) resistance is fear.

Basically, we’re afraid of looking bad, making a fool of ourselves, failing in a big obvious way.  That’s why we’ll avoid trying.

We may also be afraid it will take too long, we’ll miss out on something else, or the task will be painful.

Avoidance is actually a survival technique.

(Reading the excellent, short, easy and enjoyable book, The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield will help you understand the resistance we have to doing the our work.)

Your son may be thinking (consciously or unconsciously), any of these limiting, self-destructive thoughts:

What’s the use of studying, I’ll fail anyway.

If I study and really try, and still don’t do well, it proves I’m inadequate (stupid, unworthy, incapable, not good enough).

If I do really well, they’ll expect me to continue doing really well, and that’s too much responsibility.  I’ll have to work too hard to keep that up.

I don’t have what it takes to succeed.  Why even try.

Studying is boring.  I’d rather spend my time doing what interests me.

I hate being told what to do.  I want to be in control of my own life.

I’ve been shut down so many times for not being good enough.  I can’t take the risk of hearing that again.  So I’m not going to do anything.

I’d rather get bad grades because I didn’t study at all, than to get bad grades for trying.

All of those beliefs are “tappable.”  And by tappable, I mean that EFT tapping is great at transforming those limiting thoughts into empowering and helpful ones.

Getting At the Roots of Limiting Beliefs

The roots of those fears are in earlier experiences and traumas.  And in words others spoke to us and in our interpretations of everything that happened.

We interpret the looks on other’s faces all the time.

Someone may look at us and grimace due to physical pain or a thought they just had which had nothing to do with what they were thinking about us.  But we, especially as young children, interpret those facial expressions as having everything to do with us.

To a little child, a frown can mean:

I’m bad.

She doesn’t love me.

I’m not lovable.

I never do anything right.

There’s something wrong with me.

And we can carry these beliefs with us the rest of our lives.  Living up to them.  And looking for evidence they are true.

These limiting beliefs we pick up as children are the ultimate in self-fulfilling prophesies.

But we can’t stop with addressing the issues of the son.  Equally important here is the discomfort of the mother.

Helping the Parent

Nalini said, “Please help me.”

Let’s say her son has no interest in changing his non-studying habits. It’s tough to force a teenager to study!  You might succeed at forcing him to sit in a chair with a book in front of him for a certain period of time – but causing him to actually study is another challenge altogether.

There is one person we can be fully responsible for though.  Us.  Our self.

And that’s actually where I suggest Nalini start.

What’s implied here is that Nalini has fears and concerns about her son.  She may be concerned about his future, his ability to get into college, his ability to earn a living, the limitations of not being educated, his ability to be happy.

She may also be concerned about her relationship with her son.

She may even be concerned about how she looks to others.

“What will people think of me if my son fails in school?”

Since I don’t know any more about this situation than the short request from Nalini, I’ll cover all those bases in a tapping script.

See this related post for a tapping script for “My Son Doesn’t Study At All.”

How do you influence your child to study?

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About the Author

Natalie Hill is a Transformational Coach for women entrepreneurs. She loves empowering women to bust through their blocks so they can be who they were born to be. Contact Natalie at Google+

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Lucy BB December 10, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Hey Nathalie !!
I am university student and I have a big resistance to study for the exam though the exam is next month and if I wanna pass I should use each day to study and prepare :(( but I keep wasting time at silly things even I don’t have fun just wasting time to run away from study

Reply

nalini November 17, 2010 at 6:58 am

Hi Natalie.
I read the article,but Iwant the solution. My son wants to study but is anable to concentrate in study. he should at least get his basic degree.He is fond of passing time along with his friends who are doing well in their academic.So please suggestme.

Reply

Natalie November 17, 2010 at 5:39 pm

Nalini, if your son want’s to study, that’s a great start. If he’s willing to do EFT, the subject would be “I can’t concentrate.”

Possible Tapping Sequence
Even though I can’t concentrate and my mind won’t focus on my studies, I accept myself just the way I am.
Then tap –
I can’t study, I can’t concentrate, My mind won’t focus, I can’t focus on learning, I wonder why I can’t focus on this? I can focus on other things, There are many things I can focus on, What if I could focus on studies? What would it feel like to be able to concentrate and study? I wonder if that could be possible for me? I’d like to be able to concentrate.

The key to unlocking this is to figure out the cause of him being unable to concentrate. If he can NEVER concentrate on anything, I’d look into his diet and exercise habits. If he can concentrate when he’s interested in something, then he’s got a block around studying.

You can ask him, what would be the downside of concentrating when I study? What is the upside of not concentrating?

Let me know what you find out.

Reply

A mom September 12, 2010 at 2:39 pm

Great article, Natalie. I want to read more, but I can’t find the script you reference at the end of the article. Is there a link? or what do I click on to get there? Thanks!

Reply

Natalie September 12, 2010 at 9:18 pm

Hi Mom, thanks for appreciating this article.

And thanks also for pointing out that I forgot to put the link to the tapping script on this page. I’ve fixed it now, and you can also go to it here: Tapping script – My Son Won’t Study.

Reply

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